One technique to get you closer…

This has come from what people do naturally anyway, so if you know someone who does it, please don’t think they are trying to pull you, they just have magnatism, ok?

It is a technique for making friends & buildling rapport with people. It’s based on how wonderful it feels when someone is genuinely interested in your experience of the world. Some call it ‘Psychological Air’.

The technique is to understand their ‘map of the world’ – what’s happening in their heads. To know this you must first accept 2 things:

A/. What you would do if you were them, is not relevant, because you are not them & they can only do what they can do because they are them.

B/. Ask them to confirm what you think they are feeling or explaining, say ‘let me just check’ – so you know you aren’t adding your own meaning to the story.

It’s a 3 stage process & the first 2 stages happen in your head…

1/. To stop thinking from your perspective.

2/. Guess what they would be feeling when they tell you what they are telling you.

3/. At relevant pauses interject with your guess on how they feel.

“Wow that must have been a bit__________?”

To get the person talking about themselves by asking the best questions is a skill involving many techniques, preferably you would be using clues about them to gauge what might be important, then ask them what they think so you can talk about something they value:

“What is important to you about___________?”


“What do you like about_________?”

Make sure you don’t choose a sad or stressy subject, like work, unless they love their job… It’s like cold reading, look at their face – do they like that topic?